to be alive...

For most of my childhood I was painfully shy.  Sometimes I wouldn't speak at all to grown ups or even my peers.  I'm sure many people saw this as a weakness, a vulnerability of mine.  I've got many more where that came from!

Now that I have my own children I can see that this "vulnerability" is not necessarily a weakness.  In fact, I've come to figure out that many of the things that others, or even ourselves, may perceive as weakness are really the things that make us the most who we are- our essence.



image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 

I've also come to realize that there is tremendous strength in vulnerable moments.  These are the moments that unite us as human beings, these are the moments that create family, community, these are the moments that effect growth and that heal. 

For most of my adulthood I have tried to keep my most vulnerable emotions to myself.  I rarely cry at funerals, I typically berate myself for displaying sadness or fear and I rarely acknowledge the breadth of a moment while experiencing it- perhaps because I worry that the chinks in my armor will show, leaving me defenseless.  Unfortunately, this ends up making me look like a stoic, rather unfeeling individual.  Ironically, some may mistake this for strength when really, this is my kryptonite- my ultimate weakness.

My job as a health care provider allows me a small window into the realm of strength vs weakness, along with the distinct privilege to be witness to patients and family members at their most vulnerable times.  I have the honor everyday of being but one stone on their path to recovery.  So you would think that what happened to me yesterday would not have made such an impression- but it did!

The details are not as important as the fact that someone took the time to be more open and perhaps feel a bit more "out on a limb" than usual.  He seized the opportunity to say something to me that meant more than he could know.  Just that act of being "vulnerable" for only a moment, did something magical.  It made me feel.  He didn't need to take the time to say this to me.  He could have easily let the moment pass.  But he didn't.  This is how we effect change in our neighborhood or our state or our country....by connecting with individuals.  If we all remain "strong" all the time, we never reach out to others, we never really experience our full potential as sentient beings.

It's funny that for so long now, I've been searching for "my thing," but really all of us have the same "thing."  We have each other.  And, how we share with each other or acknowledge each other's existence is ONLY through these vulnerable moments. 

"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable."     - Madeleine L'Engle