what's your story?

I started this blog as a means of spreading peace, scattering hope on the wings of wishes.  Along the way, however, I am extremely happy to say that I have not only discovered some much needed personal peace but I have also learned a few things about myself.

One of my initial wishes was to be able to find my niche, to quote the movie City Slickers- my "one thing."  That "thing" that is all mine.  That "thing" that I can get some self worth from, validation.  I've asked myself many times, "what is it that I am searching for?"  "What am I hoping to achieve with my writing and my images?"


As often happens for me, I found my "answering" in the quotes of other people.  I use the term "answering" here instead of "answer," because it implies a less final state.  I have yet to find a final reply that is an end to my forever question, and quite honestly, I'm not sure that I ever want to.  The idea of the universe somehow continuing to provide me with wisdom and insight is a powerful and positive notion that, quite frankly, I cling to!

                                                                 Alas for those that never sing, 

                                                            But die with all their music in them!

                                                                     Oliver Wendell Holmes

 So, this time it was a nineteenth century poet/physician as well as a modern day author/poet that came to my rescue, that lifted me and enlightened me.  To me their quotes are similar and convey the same somber yet "go for it with all you've got" message.  These words both describe my middle-age angst and my quest to find my "thing," but they also have showed me that I've been missing the boat.

 
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Maya Angelou

I've been searching all wrong! I've been spinning my wheels looking at the big picture and missing the ridiculously important details.  I've been focusing my energies on HOW to get my thoughts and my ideas out of my own head and how to best present my art to others- instead of trying to discover exactly WHAT my song is, my story.

We are all unique individuals and I agree with Maya Angelou when she says, "I believe that every person is born with talent."  I also believe that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and each and everyone of us carries with us our own bizarre compilation of baggage that we have accrued along the way.  All this good and evil, light and dark, is the ink with which we pen our story and the notes we use to compose our own song.  

This is what I am now working on, this is my new wish: to be able to articulate my song, my story through an artistic expression.  To sing it loudly, not because I want someone to hear it, not because I think someone needs to hear it- just because I can, because it's authentically me, because I need to sing it- and no matter what it might sound like or what it reads like- it's beautiful.  And, I'll be damned if I'm going to go to my end someday, never singing it!