power...

For sure, what you're thinking right now is "I wish I could express my own personal power in a meaningful mathematical expression, because then I could figure out just where I was lacking and figure out a simple way to increase my power!"  Right, I mean isn't this high on your to do list today?  Of course, I'm kidding.  I realize this is a bit of a bizarre approach to trying to figure out what my next step is in life, but this is how my brain works : )

Ok, so once again, I am clearly not afraid to let my nerdiness show a little (or a lot).  So, where do we start?  First of all, we can't call it "personal power" because the variable abbreviation would be "PP" and that's just wrong!  I think instead we'll use "intrinsic power," or "IP"

Now we need to label our other variables:
IP = intrinsic power
V = value (where v = er + ir )
er = extrinsic rewards
ir = intrinsic rewards "that good vibe feeling after a job well done"
sd = self doubt (where sd = f *1)  where 1 is a constant and stands for any previous failure experience
f = fear (scale from 1-10)
ex = experience (positive or negative depending on where it is in the equation)
C = confidence (where c = v * ex)

So, here's what I have come up with, it may need a little tweaking, but here goes: Intrinsic Power comes from our concept of self worth or value (which is determined by adding up the number of extrinsic and intrinsic rewards) multiplied by the number of times we feel valued (or experience) divided by our feelings of self doubt (which comes from multiplying how fearful we are *1.

The long version                                               The simplified version
IP = (er + ir) ex                                                 IP = C
            f * 1                                                             sd

Now, this represents the ideal.  A situation where we are kind to ourselves and multiply our level of fear for a new endeavor by the number 1 instead of using the number of times we have failed or perceived we failed in the past (perceived failure is a topic for a whole other day).  This way, we are minimizing the negative impact of failure on our general well being.  I think this is the ideal, because I do believe that we learn more from our mistakes than when we get things right.  In reality, however, I think many of us would have an equation that is heavily weighted in the negative more like:

IP =  er + ir + ex
           f * ex


let's see what happens if we use these 2 different equations to calculate my intrinsic power when it comes to cooking a dinner that everyone will eat at my house for a given month:

Nice version:                                                       Not so nice version:
IP = (3 + 1)15 = 60 = 12                                     IP = 3 + 1 + 15 = 19 = .25333

         5 * 1            5                                                      5 * 15                            

So, you can see being kind to yourself and using 1 instead of the actual number of times you feel you failed ( in the denominator) makes a big difference.  Likewise, multiplying (in the numerator) the number of positive experiences instead of just adding- makes a big difference too!  I would take an IP of 12 any day over .25333- well you get the idea.

The take home message for myself is that I need to do everything in my power (pun intended) to increase my confidence in an area and decrease my self doubt.  No matter how big my confidence may be, as my self doubt increases, my IP decreases.  Simple, right?  Makes sense?  Kinda kooky?

I guess it's just my weird way of making sense of something I don't always get.  Just a way to attempt to understand the chaos of the human experience through a constant like math.  Just ask George and Calliope, they totally get this!!