dream board

I am a little embarrassed to admit that it has taken me this long to put up a "dream board" in my own home. But, here it is...

So far, my husband and I are the only ones to have added anything to it, but I think it's good for the kids to see this everyday- and even if it just gets them to think about their dreams and wishes- I am good with that!

                                                                                                           image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

I am a new day,
I am the next moment, 
I am a ripple in a pond, 
I am a bud about to bloom,
I am a child about to laugh, 
I am the wind in a prairie,
I am the tingling before a first kiss, 
I am the sun rising again, 
I am everything that is good, because I am everything that will be.

being smart ..

So my almost 9 year old son was talking to me this morning about kids who are smart in his class.  This one's smart at math, this one's smart at reading, and so on and so on.  Not once did he mention himself and where his skills lie.  This didn't surprise me, number one, because he's very honest- yet crazy humble and he's comfortable in that little hidden land of his, and number two because he doesn't always see his talents as being on par with these academic pursuits.

So I asked him, "what are you smart at?"  He shrugged his shoulders and thought for a moment while he was drawing another one of his masterpieces (I don't use this word lightly, the kid has talent) and said "I'm good at drawing, but that's not smart."
                                                                                                            image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

This of course made me want to blog.  Not only is my son "smart," dare I say gifted in the realm of drawing and creating- he's also incredibly smart at being a human being.  He knows when to compliment someone, he knows when someone needs a hug and gives it freely even when the other person is pitching a fit, he knows how to be hilarious without even trying, he knows when to help someone and when to give them space, he controls his emotions when he needs to and expresses himself at just the right moment, he allows others to comfort him and he knows how to show love in everything he does.

To me, my son is brilliant, a genius at being an artist and being a member of the human race.  He gets things most adults I know can't or don't try to understand, yet he doesn't feel that he is "smart."

Here's my next wish- I wish to change this.  I wish to help create an environment in academia and in our community at large that encourages and acknowledges all types of  "smart."                                                               

I earned every possible honor and accolade in my education from grade school to grad school- but I am not nearly as smart as my son.  I'm pretty sure that's why God sent him to me.






                                                                                                                                                                                         

greatness

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012 

Abraham Lincoln said something similar: "Whatever you are, be a good one."  

I often can get hung up on searching for that "one thing" that I feel I am missing.  You've maybe even read about my quest on this blog.  It's just around the corner, this ridiculously noble calling or purpose that the universe appears to be holding ransom from me.  

Truth is, by doing this, I realize that I am missing out on key opportunities for greatness.  Yeah, that's right- by searching for greatness, I'm missing out on greatness- now you can see why I've been so confused and maybe a little lost.  

Yes- there are many images from history books and in the media, that portray "great people."  You may even know some.  But, I'm slowly (painstakingly so) coming to realize that these people are not any greater than I am or you are.  Most of us, out of necessity, are  driven by the work-a-day needs of ourselves or our families and friends, but that doesn't make us any less great.  It's not the calling that makes us great, it's how we pursue it, that unleashes the greatness that's inside each and everyone of us.  

What Oliver and Abe (that's right, first name basis) are filling us in on is that greatness is not externally handed to us, and neither is it restricted to a special few.  We all have it within us to be great.  Doing whatever we do to the best of our abilities, makes us great- no matter what it is!  

“Nothing is more simple than greatness; indeed, to be simple is to be great.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.  

-Buddha

west of the moon, east of the sun

 

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012 

set backs

I feel like the root of most of my issues is the constant pressure I feel to push forward, to always look ahead, to plan for the future.  I have a strong tendency to zero on what I feel should be my "final destination" and blindly ignore the present and lament over any "set backs" along my path.  Of course, in my heart I know this is completely backwards and I realize the pain and frustration that it causes me and the awesome moments that I am potentially missing out on- but the pull is so strong!

I wish to be able to truly live my life, on my own terms.  Live the life that's best for my family and enjoy where I am every step of the way.
                                                                                                                                                                                         image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

Yesterday something important to me, but minor in the big scheme of things, went awry.  I had been planning and waiting and anticipating yesterday with great eagerness!  Unfortunately, I was let down with the outcome and explained this to my husband as a "set back."  As I heard myself say this and after I thought about it a little bit, I realized I needed to make a conscious effort to perceive this situation just a little differently.

Focusing on this as a negative event made me feel, well, negative.  And,  to make matters worse, all this negativity couldn't change the outcome anyway (unless I was Superman and could turn back time- wicked cool!).  So, I decided to see this moment not as a problem that needed to be solved, not as a let down or disappointing set back- rather I thought of it as another step along my way.  Change is good, taking a risk is good, trying something and failing is better than settling for mediocrity- at least in my book anyway.  "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" (Ralph Waldo Emerson) one of my mantras- and I'm sure I've quoted this text before in my blog- but it bares repeating!

So, here I am focusing on my journey, enjoying the good times and learning from the less than good times.  It's not like this is second nature for me yet, which is why I am throwing it out to the universe.  Now, the scary part about being journey-driven instead of prize-driven is that realistically, the quest never ends.  For a type A, perfectionist like myself, the idea of never completing the task makes me feel a little nauseous.  However, that's really the best part (the infinite-ness, not the nausea).  If there is no exact end point, than I get to keep on experiencing and growing and learning every single day.  My Mom just said to me "you always need a project,"  I do!  She's right, I'm happiest when I'm working on something and a little depressed when it's over.  I guess I'm starting to learn  that I'd rather feel a little queasy than be stuck in anger and disappointment, I think anyway,- we'll see.

messenger

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

return

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

Spring came early to my window, flutter, fragrance, flush.

Clues unfolding in my gaze, bud, blossom, blush.

A gift, a glimpse of glittering green,

A song, a shimmer of subtle degree.

A breeze of a dream on the wispy wings of a wish.  

Spring came early to my window, flutter, fragrance, flush.

what's your story?

I started this blog as a means of spreading peace, scattering hope on the wings of wishes.  Along the way, however, I am extremely happy to say that I have not only discovered some much needed personal peace but I have also learned a few things about myself.

One of my initial wishes was to be able to find my niche, to quote the movie City Slickers- my "one thing."  That "thing" that is all mine.  That "thing" that I can get some self worth from, validation.  I've asked myself many times, "what is it that I am searching for?"  "What am I hoping to achieve with my writing and my images?"


As often happens for me, I found my "answering" in the quotes of other people.  I use the term "answering" here instead of "answer," because it implies a less final state.  I have yet to find a final reply that is an end to my forever question, and quite honestly, I'm not sure that I ever want to.  The idea of the universe somehow continuing to provide me with wisdom and insight is a powerful and positive notion that, quite frankly, I cling to!

                                                                 Alas for those that never sing, 

                                                            But die with all their music in them!

                                                                     Oliver Wendell Holmes

 So, this time it was a nineteenth century poet/physician as well as a modern day author/poet that came to my rescue, that lifted me and enlightened me.  To me their quotes are similar and convey the same somber yet "go for it with all you've got" message.  These words both describe my middle-age angst and my quest to find my "thing," but they also have showed me that I've been missing the boat.

 
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Maya Angelou

I've been searching all wrong! I've been spinning my wheels looking at the big picture and missing the ridiculously important details.  I've been focusing my energies on HOW to get my thoughts and my ideas out of my own head and how to best present my art to others- instead of trying to discover exactly WHAT my song is, my story.

We are all unique individuals and I agree with Maya Angelou when she says, "I believe that every person is born with talent."  I also believe that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and each and everyone of us carries with us our own bizarre compilation of baggage that we have accrued along the way.  All this good and evil, light and dark, is the ink with which we pen our story and the notes we use to compose our own song.  

This is what I am now working on, this is my new wish: to be able to articulate my song, my story through an artistic expression.  To sing it loudly, not because I want someone to hear it, not because I think someone needs to hear it- just because I can, because it's authentically me, because I need to sing it- and no matter what it might sound like or what it reads like- it's beautiful.  And, I'll be damned if I'm going to go to my end someday, never singing it!

 

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011