Sunday, May 13, 2012

greatness




image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012 


Abraham Lincoln said something similar: "Whatever you are, be a good one."  

I often can get hung up on searching for that "one thing" that I feel I am missing.  You've maybe even read about my quest on this blog.  It's just around the corner, this ridiculously noble calling or purpose that the universe appears to be holding ransom from me.  

Truth is, by doing this, I realize that I am missing out on key opportunities for greatness.  Yeah, that's right- by searching for greatness, I'm missing out on greatness- now you can see why I've been so confused and maybe a little lost.  

Yes- there are many images from history books and in the media, that portray "great people."  You may even know some.  But, I'm slowly (painstakingly so) coming to realize that these people are not any greater than I am or you are.  Most of us, out of necessity, are  driven by the work-a-day needs of ourselves or our families and friends, but that doesn't make us any less great.  It's not the calling that makes us great, it's how we pursue it, that unleashes the greatness that's inside each and everyone of us.  

What Oliver and Abe (that's right, first name basis) are filling us in on is that greatness is not externally handed to us, and neither is it restricted to a special few.  We all have it within us to be great.  Doing whatever we do to the best of our abilities, makes us great- no matter what it is!  


“Nothing is more simple than greatness; indeed, to be simple is to be great.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.  
-Buddha


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

set backs

I feel like the root of most of my issues is the constant pressure I feel to push forward, to always look ahead, to plan for the future.  I have a strong tendency to zero on what I feel should be my "final destination" and blindly ignore the present and lament over any "set backs" along my path.  Of course, in my heart I know this is completely backwards and I realize the pain and frustration that it causes me and the awesome moments that I am potentially missing out on- but the pull is so strong!

I wish to be able to truly live my life, on my own terms.  Live the life that's best for my family and enjoy where I am every step of the way.
                                                                                                                                                                                         image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012
Yesterday something important to me, but minor in the big scheme of things, went awry.  I had been planning and waiting and anticipating yesterday with great eagerness!  Unfortunately, I was let down with the outcome and explained this to my husband as a "set back."  As I heard myself say this and after I thought about it a little bit, I realized I needed to make a conscious effort to perceive this situation just a little differently.

Focusing on this as a negative event made me feel, well, negative.  And,  to make matters worse, all this negativity couldn't change the outcome anyway (unless I was Superman and could turn back time- wicked cool!).  So, I decided to see this moment not as a problem that needed to be solved, not as a let down or disappointing set back- rather I thought of it as another step along my way.  Change is good, taking a risk is good, trying something and failing is better than settling for mediocrity- at least in my book anyway.  "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" (Ralph Waldo Emerson) one of my mantras- and I'm sure I've quoted this text before in my blog- but it bares repeating!

So, here I am focusing on my journey, enjoying the good times and learning from the less than good times.  It's not like this is second nature for me yet, which is why I am throwing it out to the universe.  Now, the scary part about being journey-driven instead of prize-driven is that realistically, the quest never ends.  For a type A, perfectionist like myself, the idea of never completing the task makes me feel a little nauseous.  However, that's really the best part (the infinite-ness, not the nausea).  If there is no exact end point, than I get to keep on experiencing and growing and learning every single day.  My Mom just said to me "you always need a project,"  I do!  She's right, I'm happiest when I'm working on something and a little depressed when it's over.  I guess I'm starting to learn  that I'd rather feel a little queasy than be stuck in anger and disappointment, I think anyway,- we'll see.

messenger


image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

return



image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012


Spring came early to my window, flutter, fragrance, flush.

Clues unfolding in my gaze, bud, blossom, blush.

A gift, a glimpse of glittering green,
A song, a shimmer of subtle degree.
A breeze of a dream on the wispy wings of a wish.  

Spring came early to my window, flutter, fragrance, flush.








Thursday, February 16, 2012

what's your story?



I started this blog as a means of spreading peace, scattering hope on the wings of wishes.  Along the way, however, I am extremely happy to say that I have not only discovered some much needed personal peace but I have also learned a few things about myself.

One of my initial wishes was to be able to find my niche, to quote the movie City Slickers- my "one thing."  That "thing" that is all mine.  That "thing" that I can get some self worth from, validation.  I've asked myself many times, "what is it that I am searching for?"  "What am I hoping to achieve with my writing and my images?"


As often happens for me, I found my "answering" in the quotes of other people.  I use the term "answering" here instead of "answer," because it implies a less final state.  I have yet to find a final reply that is an end to my forever question, and quite honestly, I'm not sure that I ever want to.  The idea of the universe somehow continuing to provide me with wisdom and insight is a powerful and positive notion that, quite frankly, I cling to!

                                                                 Alas for those that never sing, 
                                                            But die with all their music in them!
                                                                     Oliver Wendell Holmes

 So, this time it was a nineteenth century poet/physician as well as a modern day author/poet that came to my rescue, that lifted me and enlightened me.  To me their quotes are similar and convey the same somber yet "go for it with all you've got" message.  These words both describe my middle-age angst and my quest to find my "thing," but they also have showed me that I've been missing the boat.

 
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Maya Angelou

I've been searching all wrong! I've been spinning my wheels looking at the big picture and missing the ridiculously important details.  I've been focusing my energies on HOW to get my thoughts and my ideas out of my own head and how to best present my art to others- instead of trying to discover exactly WHAT my song is, my story.

We are all unique individuals and I agree with Maya Angelou when she says, "I believe that every person is born with talent."  I also believe that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and each and everyone of us carries with us our own bizarre compilation of baggage that we have accrued along the way.  All this good and evil, light and dark, is the ink with which we pen our story and the notes we use to compose our own song.  

This is what I am now working on, this is my new wish: to be able to articulate my song, my story through an artistic expression.  To sing it loudly, not because I want someone to hear it, not because I think someone needs to hear it- just because I can, because it's authentically me, because I need to sing it- and no matter what it might sound like or what it reads like- it's beautiful.  And, I'll be damned if I'm going to go to my end someday, never singing it!

 





Sunday, January 1, 2012

roughing us out

Carving out three dimensional images from large slabs of stone is a process that appears to be older than civilzation itself.  There are examples of prehistoric statues such as the "Venus of Willendorf" which may date back as far as 24,000-22,000 BCE. 

Today, there are of course some new tools and technology that are available to sculptors, however, the process is basically the same: Roughing, Refining, Smoothing and Finishing. 

A lamassu from the Palace of Sargon II
 Oriental Institute University of Chicago
Photograph by AnnMarie Gitchell

Roughing out the very most basic shape is step one and typically involves a mallet and a pointed chisel to make gross cuts.  In this phase, large sections of unwanted stone are literally knocked off the slab, while the sculptor holds his tool at about a 90 degree angle.

Refining starts by using toothed shaped chisels held at about a 45 degree angle, allowing the artist to add more subtle details. 

Finally, smoothing and finishing are completed using smooth chisels, files and rasps- giving us the final masterpiece.

But what does this have to do with peace or wishes or human growth or anything else I have mentioned in this blog?  Well, recently I had a thought.  Like most of my ideas, this one is not particularly earth-shattering or revolutionary.  Just like the title of my blog- "a spoken wish" all I am intending to do is to take these perhaps common thoughts that most of us are or will be thinking at some time- and outwardly state them, commit to them.  So, I was thinking about how much time I personally spend mulling over positive and negative experiences.  Now, I am not saying that I am a doomsdayer or completely pessimistic glass half empty kind of person- but I have noticed that the more negative feeling experiences are the ones that tend to pop into my head when I'm driving to work or putting laundry away or accomplishing some other completely mindless feat.  It's not the successes of myself and my family that jump out to the forefront, it's the times that make me feel the most guilt, the most sadness, the most loss, the most regret, the most anger, the most resentment and despair. 

So, of course this made me think of sculpting?  Yeah, I know a little out there- but stay with me because there is a connection.  Maybe, just maybe these "negative" moments stick with us more because they are the experiences that really give us our shape.  Maybe every time something happens to us and we experience a strong negative emotional response, maybe that's the sculptor carving away at us, making us truly who we are by knocking off the chunks of stone we just don't need.  Perhaps these broad strokes are what help us to evolve into the people we are today.  Maybe this is why I think about these times more, maybe I need to in order to stay along my path- in order to continue to become.

Now, don't get me wrong, positive/happy moments and experiences are incredibly important too!  These are the smoothing chisels and the rasps.  These take the person that we are and "finish" us, polish us, smooth all our rough edges into one form.  I guess what I am getting at is that we are each an amazing masterpiece, created by every experience that comes our way.  We can't underestimate the power of positivity and the fine tuning it does on our souls, but we also can't ignore those times that have troubled us the most- for these give us our basic shape, these help define our character.  That's not to say that we are only the sum of our unhappiness, but that these moments are not for nothing.  I think this is what Walt Whitman was paraphrasing so eloquently when he said, "Every moment of light and dark is a miracle." 

I spend a lot of time, telling myself to "get over" things and wondering when I will be "past" a certain event or unpleasant moment.  I wish to break this habit and just let myself be, let myself become the masterpiece that no one else can be!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

to be alive...

For most of my childhood I was painfully shy.  Sometimes I wouldn't speak at all to grown ups or even my peers.  I'm sure many people saw this as a weakness, a vulnerability of mine.  I've got many more where that came from!

Now that I have my own children I can see that this "vulnerability" is not necessarily a weakness.  In fact, I've come to figure out that many of the things that others, or even ourselves, may perceive as weakness are really the things that make us the most who we are- our essence.


image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 
I've also come to realize that there is tremendous strength in vulnerable moments.  These are the moments that unite us as human beings, these are the moments that create family, community, these are the moments that effect growth and that heal. 

For most of my adulthood I have tried to keep my most vulnerable emotions to myself.  I rarely cry at funerals, I typically berate myself for displaying sadness or fear and I rarely acknowledge the breadth of a moment while experiencing it- perhaps because I worry that the chinks in my armor will show, leaving me defenseless.  Unfortunately, this ends up making me look like a stoic, rather unfeeling individual.  Ironically, some may mistake this for strength when really, this is my kryptonite- my ultimate weakness.

My job as a health care provider allows me a small window into the realm of strength vs weakness, along with the distinct privilege to be witness to patients and family members at their most vulnerable times.  I have the honor everyday of being but one stone on their path to recovery.  So you would think that what happened to me yesterday would not have made such an impression- but it did!

The details are not as important as the fact that someone took the time to be more open and perhaps feel a bit more "out on a limb" than usual.  He seized the opportunity to say something to me that meant more than he could know.  Just that act of being "vulnerable" for only a moment, did something magical.  It made me feel.  He didn't need to take the time to say this to me.  He could have easily let the moment pass.  But he didn't.  This is how we effect change in our neighborhood or our state or our country....by connecting with individuals.  If we all remain "strong" all the time, we never reach out to others, we never really experience our full potential as sentient beings.

It's funny that for so long now, I've been searching for "my thing," but really all of us have the same "thing."  We have each other.  And, how we share with each other or acknowledge each other's existence is ONLY through these vulnerable moments. 

"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable."     - Madeleine L'Engle