Wednesday, July 2, 2014

the middle...

Anyone my age or older can not forget, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.." the iconic rant of the quintessential middle child, Jan Brady.  We all felt her angst not being the oldest and not being the youngest- just stuck in the middle.  Like the Stealers Wheel song says "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you."  Even living in Middle America can be a challenge where we get to enjoy snow storms, tornadoes, droughts and about 12 nice days out of 365.

Take home message is: being in the middle stinks!!

One of my favorite quotes is: "At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you."  So this is all fine and good if you CAN commit, but if you are stuck in the quagmire of wishy-washy-ness you might as well hang it up, because the entire universe will at best ignore you and at worst- is out to get you!!!

My point in all this...being "in between" is a rough place to be.  I always feel like if I can wrap my head around things and come up with a plan, I'm good..being in transition or not knowing where I stand on something can be, well a little fearful.  Even just being in the middle of two different feelings/emotions.  For example, when I hear the sump pump in my midwestern basement start working in the middle of June during the early summer rain storms I feel equal parts relief, "Yes my sump pump is working!!" and anxiety, "Oh crap my sump pump has to work because there's so much torrential water raining down us, what if it breaks!!"

Relief and anxiety, like two ugly step sisters, holding hands, skipping along and tormenting me.  I am relieved that my boys are getting older and more independent, I am anxious that they will begin to experience the world without me, without my watchful eye.

I am relieved that I am able to work part time, but always anxious that it's not enough and that I am somehow missing my purpose.  Relieved that I have made it this far in my life, being relatively healthy..anxious that something unpleasant is lurking around the corner.

I totally get the importance of living in the moment (insert me whining "but it's so hard!")  If I can live purely in each moment that comes my way, and appreciate it at it's most base level with limited interpretation (key for me)- I will no longer find myself in the middle...just the IS.

So, I guess this is my next wish, to be able to chase away the middle, to not be stymied by the anxiety of "what will be" or to stumble backwards over the "what was" and to just embrace the "is"...
                                                                  image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2013

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

the drive home..

                      Here's proof that this LOOOOOOONG winter is not without some merit : )

   image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2014
                                              And, here's to looking ahead to summer!!

  image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2008

Friday, February 28, 2014

destined for greatness...

I was talking to a good friend of mine today when she said something that really resonated with me,"I have always felt destined for greatness."  This stuck with me because I totally get what she's saying. I too have felt that there is something magical, important, life altering waiting, sometimes lurking, for me- just around the corner.

   image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011
This sensation of impending wonderment, keeps me moving forward, keeps me trying different things, but also keeps getting in my way!  When one aspires to greatness, the mundane seems..well..mundane.

Now, I can't speak for my friend, but my need to search out the greatness that the universe has safely locked up in storage for me (picture the ark of the covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark) is NOT to obtain fame, it is NOT to amass great wealth, it is NOT to be acknowledged as the most awesome person in the universe (although, that would be pretty great!)- rather- it is to find that one unique talent that I have, that I can utilize to effect change and to help others.

This is what people refer to when they say they have found their "calling," or "purpose."  I think my friend and I, and many other women our age, are feeling this cupidity to find our "greatness" because we set that quest aside to fulfill other dreams, namely becoming wives and mothers.

Yes, but maybe using a gazillion different talents to raise happy, shiny children is our calling- you say?  Perhaps for some this is true, for me it's partially true.  I do believe that raising awesome children to be amazing adults is part of my purpose for sure- but, I have to also believe that finding my own unique greatness and sharing it with others has to be a part of setting a good example for these awesome children, right?

At any rate, I wish for all of us to find the greatness that exists within us- that little sparkle that we want and need to share with the universe. 

Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

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"Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."  
 - Golda Meir