Maybe what I am searching for is validation. Am I a good enough mother? Can I call myself an "artist?" Would others beside my children, enjoy my singing voice? If I got the right answers to these questions would I feel complete? I'm not at all sure.
What I do know, and am a bit embarrassed to admit, is that I think I am guilty of equating validation with value. You know that old conundrum: if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, did it actually make a sound? Well, my personal conundrum goes something like this: If no one is witness to my gifts , then can I really be any good? Just because I happen to belt out my singing numbers in the bathroom (best acoustics in my house) where nobody hears me- does that mean I am any less fabulous then Celine or Mariah or Beyonce?
Unfortunately, in our current society many of us tend to equate making money with validation and, therefore, with value. This is not at all the message I hand down to my children. In fact, we work really hard and counteracting this. Then why am I holding myself to a different less morally-correct standard?
In order to feel "complete," I guess the real question I need to ask myself is: Do I need validation to feel my gifts are legitimate?
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." ~Agnes Repplier
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
