So, it wasn't until I was laying on the floor playing with my son that I even realized what I had said. Someone earlier had asked me about a new venture I was starting and I ended the conversation by saying, "it just kinda feels like I'm going backwards."
Now, back with my 9 year old, I found myself getting literally sent backwards on the board game we were engrossed in. Being slightly competitive by nature (insert giant sarcastic laugh here for use of the word "little") I let out a slightly deflated sound at the recent turn of events. Innocently, my son asked "what's wrong?" to which I replied, "now I'm going the wrong way!"
Honestly, I still had not become aware of my new defeatist mantra until my little guy replied with "You're not going the wrong way, you're just going a different way."
BINGO! Nothing like getting a big ol' zen smack in the face- from your youngest child. Sure, I might feel like I'm going backwards a little, I might feel like I'm off my chosen path (the concept of whether we choose our path or not, requires a conversation for another day for sure!)- but thankfully my son had inadvertently reminded me that I am not going the wrong way, just a different way.
So then I began to envision myself strolling along (again, insert a big "hah" as I never stroll anywhere) the path I am blazing for myself, and try to see the happenings that I currently tend to perceive as unwanted obstacles or "backward steps" as simply side paths. Like when a big rock or fallen tree cuts off the path of a rushing stream. The water doesn't stop. It may slow down a little as it builds up, but gradually it forges another route around the impetus. Truth is, the water doesn't worry about getting "back" to the stream, it is the stream it is where it is supposed to be.
Eventually, I will get this.
I talk to my patients about this very concept all the time! Often, we will share a vulnerable moment that begins with my patient stating that he or she is not where they are "supposed" to be or that they can't wait to "get back" to their life. The truth that I pass on to each of them is that healing cannot occur until they accept that this IS their life and they are exactly where they are supposed to be.
Boy, do I feel like a hypocrite at this moment. However, true wisdom I feel, is born out of necessity. And, today I learned a lot!
I am where I am supposed to be, no matter where that may be. Side steps, aren't distractions they are design elements.
