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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 |
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
to be alive...
For most of my childhood I was painfully shy. Sometimes I wouldn't speak at all to grown ups or even my peers. I'm sure many people saw this as a weakness, a vulnerability of mine. I've got many more where that came from!
Now that I have my own children I can see that this "vulnerability" is not necessarily a weakness. In fact, I've come to figure out that many of the things that others, or even ourselves, may perceive as weakness are really the things that make us the most who we are- our essence.
I've also come to realize that there is tremendous strength in vulnerable moments. These are the moments that unite us as human beings, these are the moments that create family, community, these are the moments that effect growth and that heal.
For most of my adulthood I have tried to keep my most vulnerable emotions to myself. I rarely cry at funerals, I typically berate myself for displaying sadness or fear and I rarely acknowledge the breadth of a moment while experiencing it- perhaps because I worry that the chinks in my armor will show, leaving me defenseless. Unfortunately, this ends up making me look like a stoic, rather unfeeling individual. Ironically, some may mistake this for strength when really, this is my kryptonite- my ultimate weakness.
My job as a health care provider allows me a small window into the realm of strength vs weakness, along with the distinct privilege to be witness to patients and family members at their most vulnerable times. I have the honor everyday of being but one stone on their path to recovery. So you would think that what happened to me yesterday would not have made such an impression- but it did!
The details are not as important as the fact that someone took the time to be more open and perhaps feel a bit more "out on a limb" than usual. He seized the opportunity to say something to me that meant more than he could know. Just that act of being "vulnerable" for only a moment, did something magical. It made me feel. He didn't need to take the time to say this to me. He could have easily let the moment pass. But he didn't. This is how we effect change in our neighborhood or our state or our country....by connecting with individuals. If we all remain "strong" all the time, we never reach out to others, we never really experience our full potential as sentient beings.
It's funny that for so long now, I've been searching for "my thing," but really all of us have the same "thing." We have each other. And, how we share with each other or acknowledge each other's existence is ONLY through these vulnerable moments.
"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle
Now that I have my own children I can see that this "vulnerability" is not necessarily a weakness. In fact, I've come to figure out that many of the things that others, or even ourselves, may perceive as weakness are really the things that make us the most who we are- our essence.
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 |
For most of my adulthood I have tried to keep my most vulnerable emotions to myself. I rarely cry at funerals, I typically berate myself for displaying sadness or fear and I rarely acknowledge the breadth of a moment while experiencing it- perhaps because I worry that the chinks in my armor will show, leaving me defenseless. Unfortunately, this ends up making me look like a stoic, rather unfeeling individual. Ironically, some may mistake this for strength when really, this is my kryptonite- my ultimate weakness.
My job as a health care provider allows me a small window into the realm of strength vs weakness, along with the distinct privilege to be witness to patients and family members at their most vulnerable times. I have the honor everyday of being but one stone on their path to recovery. So you would think that what happened to me yesterday would not have made such an impression- but it did!
The details are not as important as the fact that someone took the time to be more open and perhaps feel a bit more "out on a limb" than usual. He seized the opportunity to say something to me that meant more than he could know. Just that act of being "vulnerable" for only a moment, did something magical. It made me feel. He didn't need to take the time to say this to me. He could have easily let the moment pass. But he didn't. This is how we effect change in our neighborhood or our state or our country....by connecting with individuals. If we all remain "strong" all the time, we never reach out to others, we never really experience our full potential as sentient beings.
It's funny that for so long now, I've been searching for "my thing," but really all of us have the same "thing." We have each other. And, how we share with each other or acknowledge each other's existence is ONLY through these vulnerable moments.
"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
After realizing what I had done, I heard myself start to cry. Not a silent shedding of tears, not a quiet whimper or a middle of the road snivel, but a full on sob. I had inadvertantly deleted images from my computer documenting special moments with my children and family.
Now, did I lose my home to tropical storm Irene- NO; did I have to decide which of my children to attempt to save as I struggle to survive in famine riddled Somalia- Not even close. I have this in perspective now, but yesterday morning I couldn't see straight!
My boys are only getting older and bigger and I feel time slipping through my fingers- losing those images of them at the zoo and the civil war encampment and with my parents on the 4th of July felt like I was losing bits of our family.
But what I actually lost sight of was the fact that erasing the documentation did not negate the existence of these moments. Life doesn't fly past us, it flows through us. These special memories, experiences leave a trace in our soul. Losing the images means we can't SEE the event anymore- but it does not negate the fun and excitement and love that was felt and made.
This made me think of some of my patients that I work with and their families. Often, I work with individuals who have lost memories due to head injury or dementia. This is devestating for the person and usually more so for their loved ones. Maybe that's why I got so upset yesterday when I realized my mistake. Maybe I felt like without the proof of these events, we would eventually lose track of how those events made us feel.
But playing with my children today I realized that whether my boys remember signing the giant baseball at Brookfield zoo or not is not going to make or break their childhood. What will make or break their young lives is the quality of the traces that I have helped to leave in their little hearts and souls. These go on. These will flow through them into adulthood and right on into their own families.
And, don't worry- I now am the proud owner of an external back-up hard drive : )
Now, did I lose my home to tropical storm Irene- NO; did I have to decide which of my children to attempt to save as I struggle to survive in famine riddled Somalia- Not even close. I have this in perspective now, but yesterday morning I couldn't see straight!
My boys are only getting older and bigger and I feel time slipping through my fingers- losing those images of them at the zoo and the civil war encampment and with my parents on the 4th of July felt like I was losing bits of our family.
This made me think of some of my patients that I work with and their families. Often, I work with individuals who have lost memories due to head injury or dementia. This is devestating for the person and usually more so for their loved ones. Maybe that's why I got so upset yesterday when I realized my mistake. Maybe I felt like without the proof of these events, we would eventually lose track of how those events made us feel.
But playing with my children today I realized that whether my boys remember signing the giant baseball at Brookfield zoo or not is not going to make or break their childhood. What will make or break their young lives is the quality of the traces that I have helped to leave in their little hearts and souls. These go on. These will flow through them into adulthood and right on into their own families.
And, don't worry- I now am the proud owner of an external back-up hard drive : )
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
eyes wide open
When I swing a baseball bat, I swing with as much umph and strength that I can. I regularly make contact and the hits are decent, but not fabulous.
My husband tells me that I have a great swing- fast, hard, and consistent. He also said something that was oddly, and unintentionally, insightful- he said that if I keep my eyes open for the entire swing including the follow through- I will be "unstoppable."
Fear stands in the way of me making my dreams become reality, or rather turning my reality into my dreams. I am not afraid of that baseball, I know what's going to happen if it hits me, I know how I'll most likely react. I close my eyes during the follow through because I'm giving it all I have, trying to smack the tar out of the ball.
Epiphanies, by definition are "a sudden realization of great truth" and they seem to crop up in random places at unsuspecting times- and boy this was one for me. Standing at home plate at a local baseball diamond with my husband, 2 boys and my nephew on a gorgeous summer night- I realized that if I keep my eyes open during important parts of my life and continue to face whatever is coming at me with my full attention- than I can't miss!
Fear stands in the way of me making my dreams become reality, or rather turning my reality into my dreams. I am not afraid of that baseball, I know what's going to happen if it hits me, I know how I'll most likely react. I close my eyes during the follow through because I'm giving it all I have, trying to smack the tar out of the ball.I close my eyes during the follow through of my life, because I'm holding back- afraid to fail, afraid to make a mis-step somehow. My wish today is to keep my eyes open all the way through each pursuit and one of these days I know I'll hit it out of the park!!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
fingers crossed
Along my path, I expect to experience "bends" and obstacles. In fact, I spend much time preparing and protecting myself from these perils. However, I've become aware recently
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 |
Along my path, I expect to experience "bends" and obstacles. In fact, I spend much time preparing and protecting myself from these perils. However, I've become aware recently
that I spend hardly any time enjoying what each day has to offer me.
I preach to my children that they need to experience all that each day brings them. That they should shed the distress and woes of days gone by so that they may focus on the beauty that unfolds each morning.
But do I live this myself? No way. I don't come close to this ideal. Today I asked myself what holds me back from living in the moment. The answer came back quickly and unequivically- FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of going against the comfortable grain that I have sown for myself, fear of the unknown.
I place this quote here before all of us as a reminder that NOTHING IS WORTH MORE THAN TODAY.
Let's promise each other to say this everyday. If we say it, we can believe it and eventually we can live it. Fingers crossed!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
the bends
I think it's important for me to be completely forthright while working on this blog. Although, I am proud of myself for starting on this journey for peace, and I am excited every time I find a quote that seems to sum up my thoughts and feelings or gently guides me along- I would be remiss if I didn't discuss the "bends" in the road.
I'm not necessarily referring to the decompression illness that scuba divers may occasionally experience, however, there may be some corollaries, I'll have to think about that one. Instead, I'm talking about the shape of the journey. It helps me to think about my path as a physical thing. Maybe yours is a gravel path going through the woods, maybe it's a worn dirt trail up a mountain. My path looks something like a rural road complete with straight aways, tight s-curves and wide bends. The straight aways are a piece of cake. I coast down these, enjoying the vistas around me, letting my thoughts wander freely, no worries about what's ahead- because I can see for miles where my path is headed.
Now those bends are another story. Treacherous to navigate, difficult to gain perspective, only able to see right in front of you, these bends are full of anxieties. Is there something up ahead? Will I lose control of the vehicle? Can I fall off the edge? I found myself smack dab in the middle of a nasty bend this weekend. I turned 40.
All right, so turning 40 may not sound like that big of a deal, considering the plethora of much worse maladies that exist in our world these days- and it really isn't- and I really wasn't too concerned with it. But, that 's because I was on a straight away through most of my 30's. About 3 years ago I found myself in a series of s-curves that I thought I would never be able to best- but I did, or rather I am. Perhaps that's why I didn't seem to see this bend coming, blindsided if you will (the car metaphors just keep coming, who knew?).
I have come to realize that we are all either running from something or running to something. I found myself in mid-sprint this weekend, attempting to outrun middle age. I felt like I had suddenly found myself caught in a nightmare where you just keep running and running from whatever demon is chasing you- never getting anywhere. My husband kindly and somewhat naively asked me, "how you doing?" on the way to the restaurant- I couldn't answer because I knew I would melt like butter on a griddle. It wasn't about being sad that I was older, it wasn't about walking through the thresh hold into another chapter of my life, it wasn't about regrets of things I still had yet to do, it wasn't about missing people and things that I had let slip through the cracks in time, it wasn't about dreams and expectations lost- left behind in my 30's, it wasn't about trying to figure out the best way to mark such an occasion, it wasn't about watching and feeling the aging process at work, it wasn't about any of these things- it was about all of them.
Up until this weekend, I had felt like I was holding my own with this transition. Up until this point I had tip-toed up to the door way, poked my head in, look around maybe stuck a toe in to the "other side," celebrated and even helped others through when it was their time. But on Friday afternoon, instead of leisurely and proudly making my way across the thresh hold- I stumbled, fell- actually more like catapulted myself in to the next decade.
Were there tears? Not as many as there should have been. I tend to keep my tear ducts on lock down, rarely letting even one be shed- something I hope to address along my journey. So, to answer the crying question- there were oceans of tears, that started accumulating in my big toe, a tsunami of tears that swelled up until my whole person was filled to the point of a watery eruption. However, only a hand full managed to sneak out, while I wasn't looking- and as always, they came out at really odd moments- which only added to my thoughts that I might indeed be going a little nutty.
So, how did I get out of this "bend?" How did I evade the beast that is time? How did I navigate my way to the next straight away? The truth is- I didn't, my family did it for me. As I walked into the sweet fiesta that they had lovingly prepared for me (literally a fiesta with Mexican food and Tequila and flowers for our hair), and I saw 10 of the most beautiful faces smiling at me- I stopped running. Just as simple as that. I picked up the remaining pieces of me that laid strewn about, I put on a sombrero and took a swig of a margarita- and I could see for miles in front of me!
I'm not necessarily referring to the decompression illness that scuba divers may occasionally experience, however, there may be some corollaries, I'll have to think about that one. Instead, I'm talking about the shape of the journey. It helps me to think about my path as a physical thing. Maybe yours is a gravel path going through the woods, maybe it's a worn dirt trail up a mountain. My path looks something like a rural road complete with straight aways, tight s-curves and wide bends. The straight aways are a piece of cake. I coast down these, enjoying the vistas around me, letting my thoughts wander freely, no worries about what's ahead- because I can see for miles where my path is headed.
Now those bends are another story. Treacherous to navigate, difficult to gain perspective, only able to see right in front of you, these bends are full of anxieties. Is there something up ahead? Will I lose control of the vehicle? Can I fall off the edge? I found myself smack dab in the middle of a nasty bend this weekend. I turned 40.
All right, so turning 40 may not sound like that big of a deal, considering the plethora of much worse maladies that exist in our world these days- and it really isn't- and I really wasn't too concerned with it. But, that 's because I was on a straight away through most of my 30's. About 3 years ago I found myself in a series of s-curves that I thought I would never be able to best- but I did, or rather I am. Perhaps that's why I didn't seem to see this bend coming, blindsided if you will (the car metaphors just keep coming, who knew?).
I have come to realize that we are all either running from something or running to something. I found myself in mid-sprint this weekend, attempting to outrun middle age. I felt like I had suddenly found myself caught in a nightmare where you just keep running and running from whatever demon is chasing you- never getting anywhere. My husband kindly and somewhat naively asked me, "how you doing?" on the way to the restaurant- I couldn't answer because I knew I would melt like butter on a griddle. It wasn't about being sad that I was older, it wasn't about walking through the thresh hold into another chapter of my life, it wasn't about regrets of things I still had yet to do, it wasn't about missing people and things that I had let slip through the cracks in time, it wasn't about dreams and expectations lost- left behind in my 30's, it wasn't about trying to figure out the best way to mark such an occasion, it wasn't about watching and feeling the aging process at work, it wasn't about any of these things- it was about all of them.
Up until this weekend, I had felt like I was holding my own with this transition. Up until this point I had tip-toed up to the door way, poked my head in, look around maybe stuck a toe in to the "other side," celebrated and even helped others through when it was their time. But on Friday afternoon, instead of leisurely and proudly making my way across the thresh hold- I stumbled, fell- actually more like catapulted myself in to the next decade.
Were there tears? Not as many as there should have been. I tend to keep my tear ducts on lock down, rarely letting even one be shed- something I hope to address along my journey. So, to answer the crying question- there were oceans of tears, that started accumulating in my big toe, a tsunami of tears that swelled up until my whole person was filled to the point of a watery eruption. However, only a hand full managed to sneak out, while I wasn't looking- and as always, they came out at really odd moments- which only added to my thoughts that I might indeed be going a little nutty.
So, how did I get out of this "bend?" How did I evade the beast that is time? How did I navigate my way to the next straight away? The truth is- I didn't, my family did it for me. As I walked into the sweet fiesta that they had lovingly prepared for me (literally a fiesta with Mexican food and Tequila and flowers for our hair), and I saw 10 of the most beautiful faces smiling at me- I stopped running. Just as simple as that. I picked up the remaining pieces of me that laid strewn about, I put on a sombrero and took a swig of a margarita- and I could see for miles in front of me!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
another new wish...
There are many definitions of the word "pure" and here are a few of my favorites: 1. free from harshness or roughness and being in tune 2. being thus and no other 3. not directed toward exposition of reality or solution of practical problems.
Little did I know that this simple expression "to have a pure mind" could sum up the motivation behind my entire journey! (I would use the word "focus" instead of motivation, but really that is an oxymoronic statement: a journey of self-enlightenment really can not have one focus, but is rather granted many foci along the way, changing with every bend, at least that's what I've come to believe so far)
You gotta love the magnitude of wisdom that is packed into the efficient teachings of Zen/Buddhism. I feel like Emerson could have been describing this when he said that "The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn." And, yes, you guessed it, each one of us is that acorn too (oh you betcha, I went there!) and we are filled with all the wisdom of the universe, we just have to be pure of mind to know it. Thoreau said "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."
At any rate, I would love my mind to be "free from harshness"- to use only empowering self-talk and be in "tune" with who I am (ok, so I've taken some liberties here with the meaning of "tune" but that's how I roll); I would also like to be content with myself just because I am myself and finally, I wish to devote by mindful duties to just being to be, not being to be something. Does that make any sense?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Andre Gide (French author and winner of the Nobel Prize in literature in 1947) said: "Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."
Wow! This is quite the concept, when I read it my perspective of myself was instantly turned on it's ear! I mean, let's face it, we all know those individuals who talk a big talk and seem to know all the answers and seem to never "wander." At some point, I'm sure we've all felt our self confidence waiver in the presence of others who seem to have found "the truth." "Why can't I figure it out?" I ask myself all the time! I guess instead I should be asking "Where can I look next?"
So, to sum up thus far I have come to realize that I am wandering, but not lost and that I am seeking the truth but, gratefully, have not found it. Does this elucidate anything for me? Maybe not in the way I was looking for, but it does give me hope. Hope that I am on the right course, hope that maybe instead of feeling sheepish and doubtful about my quest that really I should feel good that I am constantly searching for the truth, my truth.
Today, after attending two wakes (one for a dear high school classmate; and one for a saintly family friend) I can honestly say that I am grateful for many obnoxious things: I am grateful for the fact that I have to battle both wrinkles and acne at the same time; grateful that I find myself saying the same things to my children over and over again; grateful that I have to balance the need to work out more than ever with the fact that my energy stores are tapped out by 3:00 in the afternoon; and I am grateful that I haven't completed my quest- because all these things mean that I am alive and kicking and that I've been given the gift of another day!!
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 God bless you Deb and Tom |
Friday, July 1, 2011
good 'ol Ralph...
All this talk about journeys and paths reminded me of this great quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
The thing I love about all these amazing poets, writers and philosophers is that they make me think new thoughts, question old ones and feel more keenly.
The thing I don't appreciate so much, is that I am left with all these thoughts, questions and feelings that I don't often know how to put into action.
My problem is that I have been expecting to blaze "my trail," when in reality it's more like seeing occasional sparks along the way.
But, I think that's the point of Ralph's statement here; take all that you have and all that you are and just start making your own way. If the course is authentic- it can't be wrong!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate
Maybe, because my children are getting older, maybe because I'm getting older (40 is not the new 30, no matter what anyone says!) or maybe just because we live in such a crazy media blitzed world (making it seem like so many other people inhabiting this planet have their s_ _ _ more together than I do)- but lately I've been feeling a bit lost, confused, dazed, indecisive about where to go from here.
I have a very clear picture of where I've been and I've got a handle on what I'm doing at the moment (mostly raising my boys) but I feel like I don't have a clue about what I should be focusing on for tomorrow. Not because I feel I need to be, but because I want to be! The end result is a lot of not so nice chatter in my head, which I logically know to be destructive, or at the very least a little obtrusive, but I can't help it! Ugh!
Then I ran across a quote, what else is new, that made me feel just a little brighter. It made me rethink my perspective on me- and that always makes me smile. This quote is quite short, only seven words long, but it's profound in it's simplicity (most profound things are quite simple, Occam's razor and all that) and it's my new mantra:
Ok, so for sure I am wandering and maybe I am trying a bunch of different things right now, and maybe I am a bit fuzzy when it comes to my focus- but I AM NOT LOST!!!!! And, maybe some of you out there can relate to this and I am here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT LOST EITHER!!!!
I always tell my children that the truth lies in the journey, not the final destination. I just have to accept that my journey may be a bit longer than others. But what I got from Tolkien is that this doesn't necessarily have to be pejorative in nature.
I have learned two things about my quest so far: 1. If my journey is longer and more circuitous and more arduous than others- maybe I will learn more along the way and 2. my path is my path alone. The shape of it, the length of it, the obstacles along it and the beauty that it unfolds- is truly unique to me and that makes me smile too.
So, if you've found your purpose, your focus, your bliss- God love ya' and if you haven't yet- keep on wandering proudly along!!
I have a very clear picture of where I've been and I've got a handle on what I'm doing at the moment (mostly raising my boys) but I feel like I don't have a clue about what I should be focusing on for tomorrow. Not because I feel I need to be, but because I want to be! The end result is a lot of not so nice chatter in my head, which I logically know to be destructive, or at the very least a little obtrusive, but I can't help it! Ugh!
Then I ran across a quote, what else is new, that made me feel just a little brighter. It made me rethink my perspective on me- and that always makes me smile. This quote is quite short, only seven words long, but it's profound in it's simplicity (most profound things are quite simple, Occam's razor and all that) and it's my new mantra:
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 |
Ok, so for sure I am wandering and maybe I am trying a bunch of different things right now, and maybe I am a bit fuzzy when it comes to my focus- but I AM NOT LOST!!!!! And, maybe some of you out there can relate to this and I am here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT LOST EITHER!!!!
I always tell my children that the truth lies in the journey, not the final destination. I just have to accept that my journey may be a bit longer than others. But what I got from Tolkien is that this doesn't necessarily have to be pejorative in nature.
I have learned two things about my quest so far: 1. If my journey is longer and more circuitous and more arduous than others- maybe I will learn more along the way and 2. my path is my path alone. The shape of it, the length of it, the obstacles along it and the beauty that it unfolds- is truly unique to me and that makes me smile too.
So, if you've found your purpose, your focus, your bliss- God love ya' and if you haven't yet- keep on wandering proudly along!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wishes for my children..
I do not wish for my children to never know heart ache, But I pray that they may also know great love.
I do not wish for my children to never have their feelings hurt, But I pray that they never injure another.
I do not wish for my children to always win, But I pray that they are always good sports.
I do not wish for my children to accept my opinions as gospel, But I pray that they do believe in something.
I do not wish for my children to never know adversity, But I pray that they have the strength to overcome it.
I do not wish for my children a perfect world, But I pray that they try to make their's better.
I do not make wishes for my children, Rather, I pray that I've taught them how to make their own.
I do not wish for my children to never have their feelings hurt, But I pray that they never injure another.
I do not wish for my children to always win, But I pray that they are always good sports.
I do not wish for my children to accept my opinions as gospel, But I pray that they do believe in something.
I do not wish for my children to never know adversity, But I pray that they have the strength to overcome it.
I do not wish for my children a perfect world, But I pray that they try to make their's better.
I do not make wishes for my children, Rather, I pray that I've taught them how to make their own.
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2009 |
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wishes for others
I wish for R.G. to make a full recovery. I realize that this probably won't happen, unless God and the universe step in, which is why I am asking for a miracle.
I wish for a safe surgery for L.F. tomorrow. I also wish for a 100% full recovery.
I mean, if I'm going to declare wishes, I am going to make them as specific and as big as I can!
I wish for a safe surgery for L.F. tomorrow. I also wish for a 100% full recovery.
I mean, if I'm going to declare wishes, I am going to make them as specific and as big as I can!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Left or _______ ?
I wish for the strength and determination to not continue to repeat the same mistakes. No matter how ingrained my behaviors are, I want to be able to push through and do the right thing, no matter what. I keep telling my children- "It's not about being right, it's about doing the right thing." It's time for me to really start living this, that is my wish!
Prayer
To quote the Beatles: "When I find myself in times of trouble..." this prayer always works and not just for me. This prayer has helped find jobs, maintain one very important job when all hope seemed lost, helped create a life, cure an ear and most importantly strengthened faith. It is a novena, that you say 9 times a day for 8 days and on the 9th day your prayer shall be answered. The only caveat is that you need to pass it on to someone else who can use it, once your prayers have been answered.
May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, loved and preserved through the world;
Now and Forever. Sacred Heart of Jesus pray for us, St. Jude help for the hopeless, pray for us.
Now, don't get me wrong, your prayers will be answered- no doubt- but perhaps in slightly different ways than you expected. That's the funny thing about faith- you can't have expectations you just have to "...let it be."
I know that there are times in all of our lives that we have prayed for something so specific and it didn't turn out exactly how we had hoped. What prayers are more important and more necessary than those that ask for a miracle? The true test of faith is being able to see past the immediate outcome, and realize that these miracles do occur, but sometimes they take the face, the sound, the breadth of something all together different, unexpected to us- not to Him. I am still waiting for my miracle, as I guess many others are too. I know my prayers were heard sitting alone in that E.R. waiting room, because I feel the much needed love and support and grace of God daily. Was the outcome exactly what I had hoped for? Not in the least. Do I think that my prayer will be answered? 100% yes! Will I be able to recognize this miracle when I see it? You betcha, because I am looking for it. If you lose faith and you stop looking for miracles, how can you find them?
May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, loved and preserved through the world;
Now and Forever. Sacred Heart of Jesus pray for us, St. Jude help for the hopeless, pray for us.
Now, don't get me wrong, your prayers will be answered- no doubt- but perhaps in slightly different ways than you expected. That's the funny thing about faith- you can't have expectations you just have to "...let it be."
I know that there are times in all of our lives that we have prayed for something so specific and it didn't turn out exactly how we had hoped. What prayers are more important and more necessary than those that ask for a miracle? The true test of faith is being able to see past the immediate outcome, and realize that these miracles do occur, but sometimes they take the face, the sound, the breadth of something all together different, unexpected to us- not to Him. I am still waiting for my miracle, as I guess many others are too. I know my prayers were heard sitting alone in that E.R. waiting room, because I feel the much needed love and support and grace of God daily. Was the outcome exactly what I had hoped for? Not in the least. Do I think that my prayer will be answered? 100% yes! Will I be able to recognize this miracle when I see it? You betcha, because I am looking for it. If you lose faith and you stop looking for miracles, how can you find them?
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2009 |
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Like leaves along a trail...
Okay, so there's really no new wish here. Instead, I am taking quotes and thoughts of hope and encouragement and scattering them along my path, and anyone else's path who may need them.
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall."
~ Nelson Mandela
~ Nelson Mandela
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
"Success is how high you bounce
when you hit bottom." ~ George S. Patton
when you hit bottom." ~ George S. Patton
"Although the world is very full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." ~ Helen Keller
"To the world you are but one person, but to one person you can be the world."
~ Anonymous
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Newest wish
Today, I am making a wish for someone else, someone close to me. I wish for wisdom and confidence. Wisdom, to select the best treatment for his illness, and confidence- so that he will fully commit to the treatment and believe in it's healing power.
There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophies.
~Friedrich Nietzche
There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophies.
~Friedrich Nietzche
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
One wish accomplished!
Ok, so one wish can be checked off! I found the perfect artwork for my living room!!
Yes, I get that this wish may appear somewhat shallow and easy to make happen. But, I don't care! It made me happy and makes me look forward to what else the universe may be sending my way!
"The Sacred lies in the ordinary" - Deng Ming-Dao
“Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don't collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don't really mean anything.”
- Norman Lear
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Something I'm working on...
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. "
~ Dalai Lama
~ Dalai Lama
"When you make peace with yourself, you make peace with the world. "
~ Maha Ghosananda
~ Maha Ghosananda
"Nobody can bring you peace but yourself. "
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Comprehending the uncompromisable
I wish for resolution with one particularly un-resolvable issue. What do you do with situations,conflicts or problems that, inherently, can not be equitably dispatched? Where no compromise can ever be reached, just by the sheer nature of the disagreement- can there ever be a victory for one without complete annihilation of the other?
Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."
Although I logically understand this, I don't think I have the strength to live it- yet. How do you put aside a dream that feels more like a need? Or more to the point: How do you set aside your dreams and expectations without gaining regret and resentment?
This is truly something that I am throwing out to the universe. I am committing to this wish with everything I've got! Let's see what comes back....
Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."
Although I logically understand this, I don't think I have the strength to live it- yet. How do you put aside a dream that feels more like a need? Or more to the point: How do you set aside your dreams and expectations without gaining regret and resentment?
This is truly something that I am throwing out to the universe. I am committing to this wish with everything I've got! Let's see what comes back....
Monday, January 17, 2011
Quotes from a King
To celebrate, to honor, to learn from- here are some of my favorite quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King, jr.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend."
"Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?"
"The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important."
"The time is always right to do what is right."
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. "
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Does validation = value?
I wish to feel complete. I never quite feel like I'm done, you know like I'm still searching for that one little piece that will make everything snap into place; bring every part of me into focus.
Maybe what I am searching for is validation. Am I a good enough mother? Can I call myself an "artist?" Would others beside my children, enjoy my singing voice? If I got the right answers to these questions would I feel complete? I'm not at all sure.
What I do know, and am a bit embarrassed to admit, is that I think I am guilty of equating validation with value. You know that old conundrum: if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, did it actually make a sound? Well, my personal conundrum goes something like this: If no one is witness to my gifts , then can I really be any good? Just because I happen to belt out my singing numbers in the bathroom (best acoustics in my house) where nobody hears me- does that mean I am any less fabulous then Celine or Mariah or Beyonce?
Unfortunately, in our current society many of us tend to equate making money with validation and, therefore, with value. This is not at all the message I hand down to my children. In fact, we work really hard and counteracting this. Then why am I holding myself to a different less morally-correct standard?
In order to feel "complete," I guess the real question I need to ask myself is: Do I need validation to feel my gifts are legitimate?
Maybe what I am searching for is validation. Am I a good enough mother? Can I call myself an "artist?" Would others beside my children, enjoy my singing voice? If I got the right answers to these questions would I feel complete? I'm not at all sure.
What I do know, and am a bit embarrassed to admit, is that I think I am guilty of equating validation with value. You know that old conundrum: if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, did it actually make a sound? Well, my personal conundrum goes something like this: If no one is witness to my gifts , then can I really be any good? Just because I happen to belt out my singing numbers in the bathroom (best acoustics in my house) where nobody hears me- does that mean I am any less fabulous then Celine or Mariah or Beyonce?
Unfortunately, in our current society many of us tend to equate making money with validation and, therefore, with value. This is not at all the message I hand down to my children. In fact, we work really hard and counteracting this. Then why am I holding myself to a different less morally-correct standard?
In order to feel "complete," I guess the real question I need to ask myself is: Do I need validation to feel my gifts are legitimate?
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." ~Agnes Repplier
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
Monday, January 10, 2011
They can't all be deep
I wish that I could pick out or create the perfect art for my living room. No, this is not terribly thought-provoking, and-yes- I am having difficulty finding cogent quotes to go along with it : ) But, if the universe can help me let go of my past, maybe it can help me decorate my home too? It's worth a shot!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Why wishes?
So why are wishes so important? Here's my take on this. I really believe (there's that word again) that each time we openly declare a wish-we are creating hope. Ok, so how does this work? And what is involved in "openly declaring" a wish. First of all, declaring a wish simply means to me, that you externalize it in some way- get it out of your head or your heart and out into the universe. Maybe you tell it to another person, or journal it, or whisper it under your breath in prayer, or shout it out to the mountain tops (you get the idea).
So far this doesn't sound all that unique, I agree, but here's where it gets quirky. I believe (and I'm not alone in this part-just ask Goethe) that once we give our wishes to the universe things start happening. I'm not saying that all you have to do is wish for a million dollars and 10 minutes later the doorbell rings with Publisher's Clearing House offering you a check. But I am saying that once you declare or committ to a wish/ a dream, the universe starts preparing to help you make it come true. The universe can't do it all on it's own, but neither can you- we need each other!
Now, the best way for me to envision this is that once we declare our wish a tiny bit of glowing hope is created and released into the universe. And, that means, the more you wish, the more little glimmering bits of hope you create. Sort of like fireflies on a summer's night. Remember when you were a kid and it would just start to get dark outside and you would notice the first firefly of the night, softly glowing and floating through the darkness. Then, after a while, you'd let your focus pull back and you would notice the whole sky was dotted with these little ethereal orbs. This is how I picture what hope looks like. The coolest part about this is that the only way your hope can be extinguished is for your wish to be fulfilled. This gives us a whole new perspective about unfulfilled wishes- they're not sad- they're actually full of light and hope- they are wishes that are yet to come true-no matter how long it takes- and you have their light to guide you until they do.
I think it's a pretty awesome picture to imagine that each of us has the potential to fill the universe with positive glowing light!
So far this doesn't sound all that unique, I agree, but here's where it gets quirky. I believe (and I'm not alone in this part-just ask Goethe) that once we give our wishes to the universe things start happening. I'm not saying that all you have to do is wish for a million dollars and 10 minutes later the doorbell rings with Publisher's Clearing House offering you a check. But I am saying that once you declare or committ to a wish/ a dream, the universe starts preparing to help you make it come true. The universe can't do it all on it's own, but neither can you- we need each other!
Now, the best way for me to envision this is that once we declare our wish a tiny bit of glowing hope is created and released into the universe. And, that means, the more you wish, the more little glimmering bits of hope you create. Sort of like fireflies on a summer's night. Remember when you were a kid and it would just start to get dark outside and you would notice the first firefly of the night, softly glowing and floating through the darkness. Then, after a while, you'd let your focus pull back and you would notice the whole sky was dotted with these little ethereal orbs. This is how I picture what hope looks like. The coolest part about this is that the only way your hope can be extinguished is for your wish to be fulfilled. This gives us a whole new perspective about unfulfilled wishes- they're not sad- they're actually full of light and hope- they are wishes that are yet to come true-no matter how long it takes- and you have their light to guide you until they do.
I think it's a pretty awesome picture to imagine that each of us has the potential to fill the universe with positive glowing light!
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| image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.
-- George Iles
Hope is not a dream
but a way of making dreams become reality.
-- Author Unknown
-- Author Unknown
Hope, like the gleaming taper's light,
Adorns and cheers our way;
And still, as darker grows the night,
Emits a brighter ray.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
-- Oliver Goldsmith
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Next wishes
I wish to be able to let some things go from my past, so I can share in other's joy.
Why do we hang on to pain longer than joy? Is it because we have more to learn from those experiences? Or do painful, tragic, negative experiences somehow impact the very core of who we are? Do these times linger, because they have more transfiguring power? You know like a particle accelerator, the only way to transform us is to bombard us with emotive experiences at 1 trillion electron volts. Is our essence what is left after such experimentation- the top quark perhaps? Or are we like the elusive Higgs-Boson, yet to be discovered. I'm really not sure. I do, however, truly believe that everyone we come into contact with has the potential to be a teacher.Peggy Tabor Millin wrote: "We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace." Good, bad or otherwise the universe is unfolding its wisdom to us through people and experiences. This helps me, a little, especially when I have a moment with someone who is not very shall we say- "peaceful." I ask myself what can I learn from her or him. You begin to see negative experiences, well, less negatively. In fact, negative encounters can actually be seen as empowering!
I wish for the strength to overcome fears that are getting in the way of my happiness.
Is anyone else ever afraid to just let all their guards down and be happy? I feel that if I were to do this, I might jeopardize that which brings me the most happiness. But this doesn't make sense, right? I mean if I am afraid to be happy, because I don't want to lose my happiness, then I never really had the happiness to begin with- ugh! There is another Chinese Proverb that kind of sums this up for me: "You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair."
I guess this is my wish, to keep the birds of sorrow from taking up residence in my head and in my heart.
Last year I had an amazing opportunity to travel to Costa Rica. I learned so much from this country and it's culture of happiness. Happiness seems to be worked into the fabric of every being who lives there. And, you can't help but pick up on it and "catch it" so to speak. What you notice is that the happiness they create is not at all personal, it's social. It is truly something to see, a unified goal of spreading happiness. It's that simple rule your mother taught you, treat others the way you wish to be treated. Well, damnit it works!
Helen Keller wrote: "We are never really happy until we try to brighten the lives of others." I think this is why I am so stuck on besting my fears and slaying old dragons because I truly want to "brighten the lives of others." But I think my problem is that I picture myself doing this in a grand and big way, you know like Oprah! I am realizing, however, that if we each focused on bringing happiness to others in even small everyday ways- then the world would be a better place. Maybe we all lose sight of this every now and then. Maybe being the best mother I can be is enough- maybe my children will go and be better men and do good- you know like Oprah!
Mother Teresa said "We cannot do great things, only small things with great love." I suppose if that's good enough for Mother Teresa then "geez louise"- it's got to be good enough for me!
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| Costa Rica Papagayo Peninsula image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hope
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| Did you ever feel that we are all saying the same thing, just using different metaphors? image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2010 |
Thursday, January 6, 2011
My first wish
Okay so here's my first wish! Even knowing that no one will probably ever read this, I still can't help but feel a little naked! But I'm going to do this because I really believe that when we openly declare our wishes, we create a moment of hope that stays aglow until our wish is fulfilled. Once we commit to a wish, a desire, a dream and release it/share it- God/the universe works to make it so.
Goethe wrote: "At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you."
So, here goes my first committment: I wish to find my purpose.
I wish to put all my skills together to focus on one passion. I wish to live a life that is 100% true to me and my God-given purpose. I love being a wife and adore being a mother, but I can't help but feel that there is something right around the corner that's waiting for me. This is my first wish...
Goethe wrote: "At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you."
So, here goes my first committment: I wish to find my purpose.
I wish to put all my skills together to focus on one passion. I wish to live a life that is 100% true to me and my God-given purpose. I love being a wife and adore being a mother, but I can't help but feel that there is something right around the corner that's waiting for me. This is my first wish...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Hope's Birth
"Hope's birth is a spoken wish, forever a bud about to bloom."
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| image and text © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2011 |
A new moment
You may think this is odd, you may dismiss me and my intentions. I don't mind. For I believe in believing, I believe in the power that each one of us has as a member of this universe. I believe in God.
Make your own wish, borrow one of mine, whatever works. Just remember, that life is but a string of moments, ever changing and with each moment comes a new chance- a new opportunity for peace- new hope.
My posts will contain quotations, stories and images that have brought me peace. Please feel free to leave your own.
Namaste
Make your own wish, borrow one of mine, whatever works. Just remember, that life is but a string of moments, ever changing and with each moment comes a new chance- a new opportunity for peace- new hope.
My posts will contain quotations, stories and images that have brought me peace. Please feel free to leave your own.
Namaste
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