Newtown..

image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

No more guns, no more innocents lost.  

We belong to each other- across the world, across our country and throughout our communities. 

 Our love, our sorrow and our prayers are with you Connecticut.

it's coming!

                                                                                               image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012

empty spaces?

Transition:

a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change

b : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

Recently my husband and I were talking about our boys and how even though they're bigger now, they still occasionally have difficulty with transitions.  As adults, we know that kids may have trouble with this and we give them lots of lead time.  We tell them what's going to happen first, then we give them gentle reminders and updates, eventually we give them "less than gentle" reminders and then the consequences start.

Do we give ourselves the same benefit?                                image © held by AnnMarie Gitchell, 2012
Are these imaginary, portal-like "spaces" between activities really the problem or is it how we perceive them?  Is it because something has to end in order for the next to begin?  Or is it fear that creates anxiety in these moments?

So, after mulling this around in my head for a few minutes I started to think about times in my life that were the most stressful and yes they all had to do with transitions.  High school to college, college to real job, real job to graduate school, changing jobs, getting married, moving to a new home, becoming a parent, changing family roles, dealing with pre-teens instead of little kids and probably my toughest- realizing that I would not have any more children (part and parcel of- "oh crap when did I turn 40?).
 
Some people handle  these transitions with dignity and grace and ease.  I tend to go kicking and screaming into those theoretical "spaces."  To quote Dylan Thomas:

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Yeah, that's me. I tend to rage against the dying of the light.  Luckily, and annoyingly,  my husband tends to gracefully slide right through (so I got that going for me).  The funny thing is that once I am "on the other side," so to speak, I'm fine.  It's fear of leaving who I am in one dimension and fear of who I may or may not be in the next.  It's fear of leaving some incredibly important part of me behind, fear that moving on means a negation of what was before.   It's fear that keeps me kicking and screaming through each transition. 

But I have to keep in mind that the word also means "evolution."  I'm not losing who I was or what has already happened in my life- I'm just modifying.  Those things that are vital to defining and shading in my soul will never leave me.  So, I'm finally starting to realize what I need to do get over this fear.  It's not be kinder to myself, it's not take a new age self-actualize class (not that there's anything wrong with it), It's not to drink more wine (although that's fun), it's not to create more boards on pinterest- it's to say "so what."

I'm sure Pink wasn't thrilled with her transition from wife to ex-wife (now wife again- keep up!  And yes, I am referencing Pink) but she made a damn good song about it.  And, she's totally right- so what!  So what my kids are big now!  So what I'm not further along in my career because I stayed home to take care of my little cuties!  So what I'm getting older!  So what!!!

True, I can't follow that up with "I'm a still a rock star," but I can follow that up with a lot of other good things about myself that I am proud to have experienced.